I never realized how absurd it is the close up on his crotch and how intense they are looking at it with Titus singing lmao now I need to rewatch uks I love this show sm
“I’m pretty but tough like a diamond. Or beef jerky in a ball gown.”
“Hashbrown, no filter.”
“I’ll be here with my kissing hole.”
“Troll the respawn, Jeremy.”
“Going back to school like a little red head, Rodney Dangerfield.”
“Can’t the world be my noodles and butter.”
“So far all I’ve learned is that the Olsen twins are actually four people.”
“Is that a dolphin with a bow on it?!”
“Hello, sugar balls…”
“Well what would the Care Bears say about how you show it?”
“I’m pretty good friends with the pregnant raccoon who lives in there.”
“The new tapes are here! Tape day!”
“Turn your resistance all the way up to ‘Ghandi’.”
“That was like listening to a mirror.”
“Look at yourself, girlfrienemy.”
“I’m gonna make waffles outta him.”
“Stop the presses. My paninis can wait.”
“Aretha! The dictionary!”
“Last one to the bunker is a mother of whores!”
“I trusted you, TV. You’ve seen me naked.”
“Last time I did that I found a finger under it.”
“A wolf helped me beat up a bunch of teenagers.”
“I took that shoe and made lemonade out of it.” ~~~ Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Best Quotes
Titus Andromedon : “Lyrics are the least important part of any song, Lillian. I’ve got a title, a beat, an attitude.”
Kimmy Schmidt : “Cool, you’re a werewolf, like in the bible!”
Kimmy Schmidt : “That’s the fanciest sentence I’ve ever heard and I used to watch Frasier.”
Kimmy Schmidt : “I still believe the world is good, bunnies are nice, and snakes are mean, and that one day, Sandra Bullock will find someone that deserves her.” “
Titus Andromedon : “You know how al gore invented the internet? Well, he also invented a rhythm for it. It’s a powerful rhythm. It’s called the al-gore-rhythm”
Mrs. Voorhees : ”I’m not running a charity here, except the one where I donate my old towels to poor people with the same initials as me.”
Dong Nguyen : “Delivering Chinese food all day can be depressing. Like, when people yell out ‘Food’s here!’ as if they have a family, but I know they are alone.”
Titus Andromedon : “I’m not overreacting. I’m doing what any reasonable person would do in this situation — I’m lemonading”
Titus Andromedon : “Girl, you need to stop, drop and roll. by which I mean stop talking, drop the subject and get me a cinnamon roll.”
Titus Andromedon : “I am a prickly gay man. And not just because I fell into a cactus while stealing apples from a botanical garden.”
Titus Andromedon : “Ugh, that crown I got for being prom king was so tacky I hardly even wear it anymore.”
“I’m not overreacting. I’m doing what any reasonable person would do in this situation — I’m lemonading”
Titus Andromedon : “Black, gay and old? I’m not gonna know which box to check on the hate crime form.”
Titus Andromedon : “Lillian, you cannot bring gentlemen callers in four hours early. I am not yet a butterfly, I’m just cocoon goo.”
Titus Andromedon : “I’m pretty but tough… like a diamond… Or beef jerky in a ball gown.”
Kimmy Schmidt : “Don’t worry about me. I’m like a biscotti. People act like I’m this sweet cookie, but I’m really this super hard thing that nobody knows what I am or why I am.”
Kimmy Schmidt : “Troll the respawn, Jeremy.”
Kimmy Schmidt : “Hashbrown no filter.”
Titus Andromedon : “What white nonsense is this?”
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Kimmy Schmidt : “All burps smell bad. They’re the farts of the face.”
Titus Andromedon : “I once went to an open audition and it was just a bum fight.”
Titus Andromedon : “I should have been a doctor. I look amazing in white, my handwriting is terrible, and I love telling people to take their pants off and just leaving and then making them sit there for an hour.”
Lillian Kaushtupper : “High heels were invented by a man, Kimmy. Because no woman ever invented anything.”
Kimmy Schmidt : “Fine. Quid prong conch”
Titus Andromedon : “I’ve decided to live as a werewolf. It’s so much easier than being an african-american male”
Titus Andromedon : “I Envy You. I’ve Never Been Able To Meet Me”
Russ Snyder : “I’m sorry, I’ve been burned before and I was recently engaged to what turned out to be a hologram controlled by a Turkish hacker. I just need to take it slow.”
Kimmy Schmidt : “Wow is this a Macintosh”?
Kimmy Schmidt : “Someone just put the ‘neato’ in incognito!”
Titus Andromedon : “It’s called ‘peeno noir’ — an ode to black penis”
Lillian Kaushtupper : “Wish me lick! You heard me.”
Titus Andromedon : “This musical is going to be a lop. which is a flop which couldn’t give an F.”
My favorite part is probably when Lillian says she lost her husband and Titus says I know I’ve heard this story, you shot him, then she’s like it was the 70’s there was a black man in my bed.